As Random As I Can Get

Can’t I really find myself into dieting? I am excited to sweat out all fats on the gym. In fact, my body is “craving” for yoga now that I’d like to research anti-gravity yoga classes or even Plana Forma. I want to feel my muscles ache because of the exercises I do. But dieting, really? The moment I start thinking about it, I can think of hundred reasons why I can’t e.g. my brother’s birthday celebration tomorrow.

Speaking of brothers, we watched My Lady Boss last night starred by my proxy boyfriend Sir Dan’s favourite, Marian Rivera (playing Evelyn) and Richard Gutierrez. It wasn’t that good so to speak but it made me laugh and it made me cry so fine, it is somehow worth it. I cried not on the scenes when the two stars are admitting love for each other but when the younger brother told Marian’s character that someday it would be him who will take care of her sister. I can’t help it. They hit the cry button.

Evelyn also resigned and the whole story was set in the corporate world, thus the title. That makes me wonder if I can be as tough and as successful as her. I have filed resignation, too, yesterday.

Exactly on the fourth of July, the country’s “real” Independence Day. Before, I always think that my current job is not of the setting that actors portray in the movie. On my next job, I think it would be like that. I have a feeling it would be like that. I hope it’s not that predictable because I don’t want to be bored. I don’t want to be unnecessarily stressed neither.

I have no budget yet but the thought of vacations, of getting away, relaxes me. My next dream destination is Korea. Hopefully this December, Weak and I could go for our fifth anniversary. Mock reservation on Cebu Pacific’s promo fare would cost around Php 13,000 two-way. I have been getting rave reviews of South Korea. I want to go there!

Maybe in my next job, filing for vacation leaves would be more difficult. But it’s okay. Maybe when they are stricter with time that just means they value the time you spend working for them. Of course, that was said with a bit of bitterness in me for the overtimes on nights, weekends and wee hours I troubled myself without recognition or at least quantifiable result. Hopefully, on my next job, I find my mojo again. The interviewer asked me if I am up for the challenge. I said, “Yes, Sir!” I want to be positive so I am hoping they’ll hire me.

What I did yesterday was liberating if not foolish. That has to me liberating. I can take my next steps from then on. That is life- continuous process of moving on. (Written on July 5th)

Today is the day before I submit my resignation. Exciting! Tomorrow I’ll also go and seek for another job. Another exciting yet tiring thing. It’s not easy to find our place in this world. But I guess that’s what we are supposed to do our entire lives, isn’t it?

I have to patiently wait but at the same time I know I am doing all these because I am in a rush. Quarter-life crisis had struck me real hard and this is where I am now. I have taken one step since I have decided to resign. My indecisiveness is my weakness. In my attempt for balance this is what I get-confusion.

Like every day, I am torn between telling everyone my plans and keeping everything a secret. To this day, I know something only I know. And God forbid, I won’t let anyone know until I have moved on. I should find the courage tomorrow. Or probably on July 1 but not any later than that. I have to make do with a lot of things for now until I find a new job. That will not be easy but on second thought, so is my condition now. Crying pitilessly like I have no other choice- that is the worst I have gone career wise if this is a career at all! I am really sensitive so when I know that I’m of no worth to them-truth or otherwise I really get hurt. But hurt is just passes through in the corner of the office and beyond the field. For one, I am thankful I am tougher now when it comes to harsh words. But really, those unsaid speak so much louder.

I am taking the next step. Hope I could go over this soon. I’ll find my needed rest in the hands of the Lord every day. I’ll take Him to this journey with me so I will never be alone. And just so someone could pat me at the back when I do good and when I do wrong. I, of all people, know that most things should be taken alone. Most of the important things in this world have to be taken alone -birth, death, sickness. Our family and friends can only do so much. I’ll take Him with me.(Written later days of June)

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